The days, weeks, and months following my first and only baby’s sudden birth and death, I was drawn ever so close to The Bible. I knew about Heaven, but I wanted to know more and more and read about it over and over again. I wanted to know everything I could about it. The Bible brought me much peace and comfort. Unlike anything else could. It was a source of knowledge for me about the place where my baby was and is, and how one day I will go to be with him again.
“…I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” 2 Samuel 12:23 | NIV
One of the things I struggled with during those dark, dark days was praying. What do you pray for when everything you had prayed for was taken away from you? What do you pray for when your prayers for a miracle were not answered?
I was confused and did not know what to ask of God. I was so grief stricken and sobbing towels full of tears. Yes towels. Boxes of tissues weren’t enough and rolls of paper towels weren’t enough for the tears I cried over losing my tiny, precious baby boy. Each day I walked around holding towels to soak up the constant flow of tears streaming down my face. The grief was consuming me and I didn’t even know how to begin praying, but I so desperately wanted God to help me.
One day I finally just prayed something that went like this…
“Lord, you already know my heart. You see and know how I’m feeling. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know what to say, but I’m calling out to you. Please help me.”
I prayed that prayer in my heart and mind through many tears and groans. I cried and I cried out. The groaning was caused by the physical pain I literally felt over the loss of my baby. Everything in me and of me hurt.
I found this verse below not long after, which described the moment perfectly and gave me even more peace and encouragement. How encouraging it is to know that the Spirit helps us when we are at our weakest! I didn’t know what to pray, but I know through what I experienced and felt during that prayer and this scripture below, that the Spirit interceded for me through my tears and wordless groans. The Spirit prayed for me when I was at my weakest! An even greater testament that the Spirit lives within me. He intervened on my behalf when I couldn’t.
“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” Romans 8:26 | NIV
“For your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” Matthew 6:8 | NIV
I found so much comfort in knowing that God knew my heart like no one else. He knew what I needed even more than I did.
“And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you.”
Romans 8:11 | NIV
Each day the Spirit gave me life when I felt I was dead inside and my prayers were never the same again.
I hope that this post fills you with encouragement and the Spirit that lives within you. He WILL help you at your weakest! Call out to Him! Cry out to Him!
You know my heart and you know what I need before I ask. I thank you for your Spirit that lives within me. At my darkest you make yourself ever so close and present. I cling to that. Thank you for your compassion and love.
In Jesus’ precious name, Amen.
Crystal Buck is God’s daughter, wife to Travis, and a mother of two precious babies — an angel baby boy, John Clayton, and a sweet miracle baby girl, Juliana Catherine. She is a full time working mom and business owner who never meets a stranger. When you’ve met her once, you’re called a friend. Many people got to know the Bucks when they joined their family’s journey in December 2013 when Crystal and Travis welcomed their first born baby, a son, born extremely premature (23 weeks, 4 days gestational age) who made an impact on many lives during his time on earth of less than 4 days. Crystal is eager to share her family’s story from grief to joy through Craving God Ministries. She is stepping out in faith and following her vision and calling from God to speak to women. She wants to share her stories and love for God in hope that they may inspire and encourage others when they need it most.
The Spirit Himself Intercedes for Us